10) Andy Johnson (Fulham)
If you think Chelsea's squad is a tad on the old side, take a look at Fulham - the whole spine of the side is the wrong side of 30. The last thing Martin Jol needs is to look towards the bench and see an injury-prone 30-year-old earning £40,000 a week. QPR are apparently baulking at his wage demands (and undoubtedly West Brom would do to the same) so the Cottagers might be best advised to drop the price tag and start looking towards a younger, cheaper, less brittle future.
9) Paulo Ferreira (Chelsea)
When people talk and tut about Chelsea's ageing squad they look towards the liks of Ferreira, who at the age of 32 is likely to find himself fourth-choice right-back next season even without Andre Villas-Boas bringing in new blood. Ferreira once cost over £13m but is now worth about a tenth of that sum. Basically, if someone offers a bottle of knock-off perfume and a lamb shank for Ferreira, Chelsea should consider it a decent deal.
8) Habib Beye (Aston Villa)
There was a time when Aston Villa were paying big wages to any half-decent Premier League footballer and Habib Beye and his reported £40,000-a-week wages are a hangover from that curious time. His name lends itself brilliantly to various tunes (Oh Habib Beye!) but unfortunately his right-back stylings have long been surplus to requirements at Villa Park. His last Premier League start came in October. His next should be at another club and we're pretty sure Randy Lerner wouldn't expect a fee.
7) Yakubu (Everton)
Toffees fans will be all misty-eyed at memories of being able to spend £11m-plus on a striker as they scour the list of free agents for anyone who might be able to 'do a job' at Goodison Park. Yakubu was that £11m-plus man and he now sits on their wage bill earning a reported £35,000 a week while David Moyes frantically tries to pile enough pennies together to make any moves in the transfer market without selling Leighton Baines. There's talk of Leicester struggling to match his wage demands, so could Everton grease his exit with a free transfer and a pie?
6) Xisco (Newcastle United)
We will mostly remember the Spaniard for some very, very homoerotic photographs but Newcastle fans will recall him as the striker who cost a massive £5.7m and delivered a solitary Premier League goal in three years. And he's still there. On a reported £50,000-a-week deal. Well done Dennis Wise on delivering that particular humdinger of a transfer. Old club Deportivo de La Coruña took him on loan last season and there are rumblings of another loan deal. Send him back for nowt and cut your losses, we say.
5) Wes Brown (Manchester United)
If a decent club like Everton or Stoke are humming and aaahing over signing Wes Brown because he'll cost £3-4m and he's on reasonably hefty wages, we would like to think that Manchester United could reward his long service with a nice carriage clock and a free transfer. Clearly the 31-year-old (bloody hell) Brown is surplus to requirements at United and he deserves a bit more than the odd cup outing against the minnows from Crawley Town, Scunthorpe United or Arsenal.
4) Denilson (Arsenal)
Denilson has a contract until 2014 with Arsenal. Denilson started six Premier League games last season. These two facts combine to make Denilson the source of much wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst Arsenal fans. When they talk of Wenger getting rid of 'deadwood', this man's name is usually at the top of the list - wages are reportedly around the £40,000-a-week mark and that's rather a lot for a Carling Cup stiff. Arsene Wenger probably wouldn't agree but he should be encouraged to pack a bag.
3) Jo (Manchester City)
Any number of players could have replaced/joined the Brazilian on this list, and reports suggest that Roberto Mancini has instructed the likes of Jo, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Roque Santa Cruz, Craig Bellamy and Emmanuel Adebayor that first-team training will be out of bounds when they return to Carrington this week. City need them off the wage bill and out of the squad post-haste, and most will be available for a bag of sweets - which is rather less than the £21m City paid for Jo's services back in 2008. And yes, you did read that right. Six goals in 48 Premier League games, in case you were wondering.
2) Robbie Keane (Tottenham)
While you have to applaud Daniel Levy's insistence on getting top dollar for his players, when it comes to Robbie Keane, the sensible choice would be to stick him outside White Hart Lane with a sign saying 'free to a good home'. The joint top earner at Tottenham on a reported £70,000 a week, Spurs need him off the wage bill far more than they need a couple of million for his services. The trouble is that after his quite spectaular flop at West Ham, no bugger will be daft enough to pay those kind of wages for the odd goal in five or six games.
1) Joe Cole (Liverpool)
"Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can't even do with a football. I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season," said Steven Gerrard. After a season in which Cole was more Lionel Blair than Lionel Messi, Liverpool will be hoping Daniel Levy has some sort of breakdown, forgets his financial strategy and offers the 29-year-old massive wages to return to London. File under 'unlikely'.
If you think Chelsea's squad is a tad on the old side, take a look at Fulham - the whole spine of the side is the wrong side of 30. The last thing Martin Jol needs is to look towards the bench and see an injury-prone 30-year-old earning £40,000 a week. QPR are apparently baulking at his wage demands (and undoubtedly West Brom would do to the same) so the Cottagers might be best advised to drop the price tag and start looking towards a younger, cheaper, less brittle future.
9) Paulo Ferreira (Chelsea)
When people talk and tut about Chelsea's ageing squad they look towards the liks of Ferreira, who at the age of 32 is likely to find himself fourth-choice right-back next season even without Andre Villas-Boas bringing in new blood. Ferreira once cost over £13m but is now worth about a tenth of that sum. Basically, if someone offers a bottle of knock-off perfume and a lamb shank for Ferreira, Chelsea should consider it a decent deal.
8) Habib Beye (Aston Villa)
There was a time when Aston Villa were paying big wages to any half-decent Premier League footballer and Habib Beye and his reported £40,000-a-week wages are a hangover from that curious time. His name lends itself brilliantly to various tunes (Oh Habib Beye!) but unfortunately his right-back stylings have long been surplus to requirements at Villa Park. His last Premier League start came in October. His next should be at another club and we're pretty sure Randy Lerner wouldn't expect a fee.
7) Yakubu (Everton)
Toffees fans will be all misty-eyed at memories of being able to spend £11m-plus on a striker as they scour the list of free agents for anyone who might be able to 'do a job' at Goodison Park. Yakubu was that £11m-plus man and he now sits on their wage bill earning a reported £35,000 a week while David Moyes frantically tries to pile enough pennies together to make any moves in the transfer market without selling Leighton Baines. There's talk of Leicester struggling to match his wage demands, so could Everton grease his exit with a free transfer and a pie?
6) Xisco (Newcastle United)
We will mostly remember the Spaniard for some very, very homoerotic photographs but Newcastle fans will recall him as the striker who cost a massive £5.7m and delivered a solitary Premier League goal in three years. And he's still there. On a reported £50,000-a-week deal. Well done Dennis Wise on delivering that particular humdinger of a transfer. Old club Deportivo de La Coruña took him on loan last season and there are rumblings of another loan deal. Send him back for nowt and cut your losses, we say.
5) Wes Brown (Manchester United)
If a decent club like Everton or Stoke are humming and aaahing over signing Wes Brown because he'll cost £3-4m and he's on reasonably hefty wages, we would like to think that Manchester United could reward his long service with a nice carriage clock and a free transfer. Clearly the 31-year-old (bloody hell) Brown is surplus to requirements at United and he deserves a bit more than the odd cup outing against the minnows from Crawley Town, Scunthorpe United or Arsenal.
4) Denilson (Arsenal)
Denilson has a contract until 2014 with Arsenal. Denilson started six Premier League games last season. These two facts combine to make Denilson the source of much wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst Arsenal fans. When they talk of Wenger getting rid of 'deadwood', this man's name is usually at the top of the list - wages are reportedly around the £40,000-a-week mark and that's rather a lot for a Carling Cup stiff. Arsene Wenger probably wouldn't agree but he should be encouraged to pack a bag.
3) Jo (Manchester City)
Any number of players could have replaced/joined the Brazilian on this list, and reports suggest that Roberto Mancini has instructed the likes of Jo, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Roque Santa Cruz, Craig Bellamy and Emmanuel Adebayor that first-team training will be out of bounds when they return to Carrington this week. City need them off the wage bill and out of the squad post-haste, and most will be available for a bag of sweets - which is rather less than the £21m City paid for Jo's services back in 2008. And yes, you did read that right. Six goals in 48 Premier League games, in case you were wondering.
2) Robbie Keane (Tottenham)
While you have to applaud Daniel Levy's insistence on getting top dollar for his players, when it comes to Robbie Keane, the sensible choice would be to stick him outside White Hart Lane with a sign saying 'free to a good home'. The joint top earner at Tottenham on a reported £70,000 a week, Spurs need him off the wage bill far more than they need a couple of million for his services. The trouble is that after his quite spectaular flop at West Ham, no bugger will be daft enough to pay those kind of wages for the odd goal in five or six games.
1) Joe Cole (Liverpool)
"Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can't even do with a football. I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season," said Steven Gerrard. After a season in which Cole was more Lionel Blair than Lionel Messi, Liverpool will be hoping Daniel Levy has some sort of breakdown, forgets his financial strategy and offers the 29-year-old massive wages to return to London. File under 'unlikely'.
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