10 - Nicky Maynard to a lower-level side in need of goals
Maynard wasn't included on Daniel Storey's list of top ten targets from the Football League, but that was written before Bristol City announced their striker would be available for transfer this January, having failed to agree an extension to the contract that expires this summer. Faced with the prospect of getting nothing for him at the end of the season, City will probably take considerably less than the £5million they apparently turned down from Leicester last summer, and for that money someone will be getting a forward with pace, strength, a bullet shot and perhaps crucially, an ability to play up front on his own. Expect someone to come in for him in the closing days of January.
9 - Niko Krancjar to somewhere - anywhere
Bless him - he looks so sad these days, even on the few occasions that Harry lets him run around on the pitch. Krancjar has been conforming to the classic 'unravelling in a movie' look recently, when the disintegration of a character's mental state is displayed by slightly bedraggled hair and a beard. Of course, this is not to suggest that Krancjar is going peculiar upstairs, but by god I just want to give the lad a hug whenever he appears on TV. Someone rescue him.
8 - Landon Donovan to Everton
This is cheating slightly, as the deal to bring Donovan back to Everton is pretty much done, but if you're a football fan and don't like Landycakes, then frankly we'd rather you didn't read F365. Take your business and be on your way, sir.
7 - Dimitar Berbatov to someone who'll love him
The central frustration with Dimitar Berbatov in this country seems simply that he doesn't run around an awful lot. We love someone with a bit of blood and thunder in England - an honest worker is generally more appreciated than a mercurial skilful type, and you don't need me to list the examples of this down the years. Berba's languid genius is often treated with some suspicion and Sir Alex Ferguson seems to be one of the suspicious ones, as Berbatov is probably his fourth-choice striker at best. Still, he scores plenty of goals - a remarkable 25 in his 26 league starts in the last season and a half - although many of them were admittedly against weaker sides. However, perhaps more importantly for us neutrals, he's an absolute joy to watch. There is a simple, innocent pleasure in seeing a player effortlessly kill a pass with a perfect touch, and there are few better than Berbatov in the Premier League. Someone, please take him in.
6 - Rhys Williams to Newcastle
It's a rumour that has only recently seriously surfaced, but when one reads that Newcastle are interested in Middlesbrough's classy Aussie, you nod sagely. It seems to fit perfectly - Williams looks too good for Boro and indeed the Championship at the moment, marshalling the best defence in the division with an ease that belies his 23 years. Indeed, it sometimes looks as if he needs a boot applied to his bottom, just because life looks too simple for him in the second tier. And Williams fits with Newcastle's policy of 'buy 'em young, sell 'em expensively' - he's young, talented, can play in defence or midfield, and one suspects he will only increase in value. £3million or so invested now could solve Newcastle's current defensive problems and provide a healthy profit in time.
5 - Ganso to the Premier League, possibly Manchester United
Something of a punt, and one that has little chance of happening in this transfer window, but it would be delightful to see Ganso, a 'midfield schemer' in tabloid terms, play on these shores. His Santos teammate Neymar is the more high-profile prospect at the Copa Libertadores champions, but Ganso is certainly a more elegant player with a beautiful left foot and a terrific eye for a pass. There is a slightly murky ownership structure to negotiate, with some of his 'sporting rights' held by an investment group, but if someone can be bothered to cut through the treacle, they'll get themselves a gem.
4 - Adam Johnson on loan, possibly to Everton
Johnson clearly believes he deserves a starting spot at Manchester City, but with Samir Nasri and David Silva ahead of him, with James Milner and Mario Balotelli competing for a wide spot as well, he simply will not get regular football. If he sees his long-term future at City then a few months somewhere where he will be the centre of creative attention, like Everton, will do wonders for both his Euro 2012 prospects and perhaps his future at City. Of course, it's very difficult to see City agreeing to such a deal, but one can dream. See also McEachran, Josh, but there's a better chance of that one happening, and it isn't quite so urgent, England-wise.
3 - Gary Cahill to Chelsea
Again, this is cheating a little because at the time of writing the deal is all-but done, but the interesting thing about this move is that it will probably give England's starting centre-back partnership at Euro 2012 half a season to really gel. Of course, a few things might get in the way (a dramatic return to form for Rio Ferdinand, the judiciary), but if the first Euro 2012 game was tomorrow, these are the two that would start. The other thing to note is that Cahill's form this season has been...well, at best average. To an extent, that can be explained because he's playing in a poor side devoid of confidence, but it will certainly be interesting to see how he reacts to being chucked straight into a (relatively) successful team. Will the superior surroundings improve him or expose his limitations?
2 - Lukas Podolski to Arsenal
Of the two strong rumours about a striking recruit for Arsenal in January, I made my opinion on Thierry Henry clear here. However, Podolski would arguably be a better option for a few reasons. Firstly, and perhaps most simply, the German is a better long-term bet than Henry; he is 26, Henry is 34 and would only be there for two months. Also, he offers the sort of directness that Gervinho has brought to good effect. And finally, Podolski can play in a couple of different positions - he can operate on the left, providing cover for the Ivorian, or down the middle, offering back-up for Robin van Persie. Arsene Wenger will have to overcome his famous reluctance for purchasing in January, but he's done it before (Arshavin, Reyes) and could be persuaded to do so again.
Moreover, it will be an interesting anthropological experiment if nothing else. Podolski left Koln for the first time just after the 2006 World Cup to play for Bayern Munich and simply did not settle away from his home town. Now, he says he has grown, that he is ready for new challenges, but will he be able to perform away from his comfort zone? I'd very much like to see.
1 - A striker to Newcastle
Demba Ba has scored 14 of Newcastle's 25 goals this season. He's scored six of their last seven. The last time a striker other than Ba scored for Newcastle was October 16, when Shola Ameobi equalised against Spurs. Only three players other than Ba have scored winning goals for Newcastle this season. Their next highest scorer is Leon Best, with three. Ryan Taylor is the only other player to score more than one league goal. And he's got two. Even if Ba wasn't disappearing to play in the Africa Cup of Nations in January, Newcastle would need someone to take the pressure off the poor lad. As it is, Ba will be representing Senegal so a forward is desperately required.
However, it looks as if it won't happen. After Madibo Maiga failed a medical last week, Alan Pardew said: "I don't think we'll bring a striker in after the collapse of the Maiga deal. As far as we're concerned, we'll go with what we've got." Pardew's logic was that teams get ripped off for strikers in January, and you can see his point - after all, he was on the other end of that particular kebab-skewer this time last year - but can they really cope for the rest of the season with just Ba scoring? As much as anything else, remember that Ba didn't move to Stoke last January because of concerns over his knees - they have held up so far, but what happens if he breaks down next week? Half a season with Best and Ameobi? If they don't want/don't have any money to spend then fine, but surely they can stretch to a loan move?