|Goalkeeper - Heurelho Gomes (Tottenham)|
What's not to love about the Brazilian if you're not a spurs fan? On a weekly basis he provides gaffes galore for neutrals' viewing pleasure. Highly likely to leave the club this summer, despite his boss's recent appraisal that he remains his No.1, even the stupidest of Premier League managers would pass on the accident-prone keeper.
|Right-back - John Pantsil (Fulham)|
Famous for his one-man laps of honours and deft touches in the penalty box, the Ghanaian has had a memorable year. Against Liverpool at Anfield, he flicked the ball in the air once before knocking it over the keeper and stroking home in front of the Kop, an all-time classic in front of the famous stand. An all-time classic own goal, that is, for he'd lobbed team-mate Mark Schwarzer.
|<> >||Centre-back - Sol Campbell (Newcastle)<> >|
Awful, horrendous, abominable, dreadful, lower than low – the veteran's season has been worse than all of that. The former England man put in one of the worst defensive displays in the history of the game at Stoke, in which he was hauled off by Alan Pardew after setting up two goals for the hosts, and could probably be beaten in a sprint by a dead fox.
|<> >||Centre-back - Sebastien Squillaci (Arsenal)<> >|
Gunners must have had their hopes up when the news filtered through that the club had signed a French international centre-back, but he turned out to be a real chump and has somehow managed to fail to live up to the unbelievably low expectations set at the start of the season. He's been so rotten that even Bebe could probably run rings around him.
|<> >||Left-back - Paul Konchesky (Liverpool)<> >|
Signed by the most popular manager in the club's history, the left-back was always going to be destined for a big future… at Nottingham Forest. So wretched were the former Fulham man's performances under Roy Hodgson that his mother bad mouthed the fans on the Kop who groaned whenever he misplaced a pass, mistimed a tackle or let an attacker ghost by – which was whenever he came near the ball.
|<> >||Midfield - Joe Cole (Liverpool)<> >|
The new messiah? No, just a very, very sloppy midfielder. Signed from Chelsea on a Bosman transfer, much was expected of the England international, but his performances have made him the biggest comedy act on Merseyside since Ken Dodd. He was given a hero's welcome but will leave Anfield as a laughing stock.
|<> >||Midfield - Lee Cattermole (Sunderland)<> >|
Started the season well by getting himself sent off twice in four games, including against former club Wigan. Remarkably for a man who is barred from pubs in the north-east and whose one discernible trait is his ability to get booked, the midfielder is Steve Bruce's captain – proof, if ever it was needed, that football is mental.
|<> >||Midfield - James Milner (Manchester City)<> >|
Instrumental for Aston Villa last year in the middle of the park, the England man has been a passenger for the FA Cup winners this season, failing to cement a regular place for himself in the starting line-up, and Mr. Professionalism has even begun to show a never before seen petulant streak as he sulks on the sidelines.
|<> >||Forward - Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)<> >|
Eight months it took the striker to get his first Premier League goal of the season. Eight months! And he only managed to find the net twice more from a further nine appearances, yet still had the audacity to question Harry Redknapp for not giving him a regular starting role. A pathetic season for the little forward.
|<> >||Forward - Fernando Torres (Chelsea)<> >|
The Spaniard actually hit nine goals for Liverpool before he moved on a dramatic January transfer deadline day, making his disappointment for the Blues even more astounding. The World Cup winner took 14 games to score his first for his new club, and even that was fortuitous, and has looked more out of place in his new environment than an old man in a cardigan at a Dr Dre concert.